i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
