your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
