What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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