we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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