sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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