I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
