How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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