She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
