You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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