Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
