bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I understand Curling. That high.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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