but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
