so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
