I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize