apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
