so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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