So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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