I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
