I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
