I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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