...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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