It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
