so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
