i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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