I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
