is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
