is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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