I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
