I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
