Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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