i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
