Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
