Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize