Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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