the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
