dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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