All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
