Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize