I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
