OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
