I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
