I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
