at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
