Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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