Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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