Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
