He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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