stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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