I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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