Duck Duck Cougar?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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