the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize