Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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