This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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