The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
