Cold hands, warm shart.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
