take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
