well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
