sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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