you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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