I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
