I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
