I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
