What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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