I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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