I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
