So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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