If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
