Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
