my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
