Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
two words: eviction party
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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