The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
