...so i touched it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
