I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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