I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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