You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
